Why it Matters

Teacher, parent, mentor, and peer relationships influence student engagement. Feelings of relatedness, in addition to competence and autonomy, are basic psychological needs (1). When these needs are met, people tend to be more personally motivated, leading to better performance and increased well being. In such relationships, students can thrive, learn, and grow (see Exhibit 1). Research indicates engaging classrooms are both challenging and supportive led by a “warm demander” (see Exhibit 2) (2). The number of strong relationships reported by youth are positively related to academic motivation, socio-emotional skills, and responsibility and inversely related with high-risk behaviors (3). As academic challenge increase the greater the need for relational supports. Children are more motivated and willing to take learning risks when they feel supported by and positively related to others (4). While research suggests positive relationships are important to all students, they appear to matter particularly in adolescence. Middle school students with high levels of teacher support are almost three times more likely to have high levels of engagement (5). Middle school students who reported better student-teacher relationships were 8 times more likely to stick with a challenging task, enjoy hard work, and accept mistakes when learning (6). Unfortunately, quality student-teacher relationships are important but rare. The percentage of students reporting that teachers care and push them to be their best decreased from about a third of students in 6th grade to only 16% in 12th grade (7).

What It Looks and Sounds Like

Of course, there is no one way that making students feel valued, known, and respected will look and sound. There is ample room for individuals to add their own creativity and stamp on things. The list below is a sampling of ideas that might be useful to advance your practice.

• Physically greet each student as they enter the classroom by saying, “hello” and their name. This can minimize disruptive behavior and increases engagement.

• Correctly pronounce every student’s name. If you’ve got it wrong for a while say: “You know what? I think I’ve been messing up your name all year, and I’m sorry. I want to say it perfectly. Can you teach me?”

• Check that your displays and curriculum materials include diverse representation. Make sure that every student can “see themselves” in your classroom.

• Use restorative justice practices to approach transgressions with curiosity. Ask, "What happened? What went through your mind at the time? How do you view the event now? Who was affected by your behavior? What do you need to do to repair the damage?" Students won't be able to restore a relationship if they don't understand how their behavior impacted someone.

• Build social capital. Get to know your students and build relationships early before you have to troubleshoot.

• Be intentional about words, body language, and tone. Show genuine interest, curiosity and care. Avoid sarcasm, it usually backfires.

• See and appeal to the best in all students and help them to take responsibility to be better. Ask, ’I’m curious—do you think you've been your best self lately?"

Reflecting on Your Teaching

Reflect on what gets valued, shared, and celebrated in your classroom:

• Does my response to student mistakes indicate that mistakes are a sign of failure or an opportunity for learning?

• What is celebrated in the classroom: grades, progress, personal growth, something else?

• What does the seating arrangement in the classroom communicate? Does it reflect a community orientation?

• Are ALL my students’ backgrounds, cultures, genders, neighborhoods, and sexualities represented in the visuals, literature, and examples in my classroom?”

• What do I know about each of my students as individuals in terms of their strengths, passions, and interests both in and out of school?

• What does my approach to misbehavior say about my desire to build community and be inclusive, forgiving, and supportive?

Using Quick Data to Inform Your Efforts

Use Relationship Mapping to create a visual snapshot of students who are well supported and those most in need of additional support in your school.

Connection to the 8 Cultural Forces

Interactions and the relationships that get built through those interactions are the prime cultural force implicated by principle #4. Our interactions must show a respect for and an interest in our students’ thinking, their ideas, and what they contribute to the class community as a whole. It is important that our interactions be sincere, honest, and genuine. This often takes the form of being curious about our students and who they are. It also means approaching misbehavior from a frame of curiosity to try to understand the situation, what motivated it, and how it can be repaired rather than from a punitive stance. Take students seriously as important people who have something to contribute to the world.

Time. Teachers invest time in building quality relationships early in the year. Think of this as social capital that will pay off when the going gets rough or there is a need to troubleshoot or intervene.

Modeling. Through our interactions with students we model how to treat one another and thus build community in our classroom.

Language. When students misbehave, be wary of using words like "should" that carry judgment, and avoid language that assigns blame. Don't say you're "shocked" or "appalled," for example. Similarly, sarcasm, name-calling, and threats are unproductive and only serve to humiliate students. Watch your body language and tone to project both openness and caring. Use “we” to include yourself and create community wherever you can.

Environment. Make sure the physical environment has representations of ALL students’ backgrounds, cultures, genders, neighborhoods, and sexualities in the visuals, literature, and examples in my classroom. Organize seating to facilitate community and communication. Can students see one another when talking?

Routines. Don’t expect students to know how to interact, collaborate, listen or even talk to one another appropriately and effectively at the beginning of the year. Use routines and protocols that help students learn these behaviors.

Opportunities. Create opportunities for growth and challenge while providing support (i.e., be a Warm Demander). Press for thinking and push for quality. Allow students to take risks, try new things, exert control, and learn from their mistakes. Involve students in decision making and share power.

Expectations. Encourage students to live up to their potential and take responsibility for their actions. Communicate that you believe in students not just in the short term but also in the long-haul.

Mindset # 4: Feeling Known, valued, and respected